Edit" hey Bob, how are you today..?"

Every gravestone should read: I spent half my life getting others to admit I was right for their own good, and the other half I devoted to worry and stress and waiting; and when there wasn't worry and stress or anxiety about my life, well then I would spend a great deal of time on doing- the next thing which needed to get done- after all I was really good at who I was- the provider for the family- so, therefore I had my right to be about my business as opposed to to really getting to know who my neighbors really were- because while I would dismiss that society had any influence on my behavior, I was always intermittently cordial with the neighbors, never really letting them in. Which is to say- I have always been better than them or they just didn't matter to me. But they did matter. I have always liked my next door neighbor but he never says hi to me, so why should I say hi to him, oops sorry- wrong gravestone- I would never think a thought like that- I'm a well rounded individual- but the conversations I have with my wife are hollow to me except at times- you know I can't hear a word she's saying, or at least I can, but it's not going to make any difference. Nothing ever makes a difference because I have been around the block a few times. Ok. Well if your really this genuine human being; What is there in your life that you are putting up with and hoping will just get better...what are you afraid to find out about yourself? ", I decided I would worry about why there wasn't worry and stress in my life? ... How about going next door and talking to your neighbor? Maybe because you don't want to because you are too busy! Busy doing what!!! Busy doing what!!!!!!!?! Basking in the idea you are a good person because you care about humanity. ...how about telling yourself that your past is in the past and then you get bored, anxious, frustrated about how a situation is going, and it's all inside of " that's as good ad it gets". No its not however it is right now, sit down for five minutes with me you and your wife and youll see how much better you are than me and you'll see how reduculous this whole thing is and you'll see nothing. "I am still held back by things; but I can see what they are, and it's pretty bad. "hey bob...how are you today?...oh just fine! Thanks for asking... Bullcrap...bobs wife just died, you would think bob would take the opportunity to open up and share himself and what he is going through- AH! But he can't . Here's why! Bob signed an aggreement with humanity; as did every other member of the society, that...no matter what happens ..no matter the cost! ..Bob would forever deal with his circumstances by playing a victim and judging others." I do solemly pledge to conduct myself according to pre-existing conditions which thwart any authentic communication which could invoke an unwarranted lifelong friendship with my neighbor." go next door and appologize...like this... " hey bob, I know we say hello in passing but I never say anything else to you. In fact, I never say much of anything to anyone I don't already know, and I don't really open up to them. I just go about my business everyday and assume that I care about you just exactly enough as i'm supposed to - and on most occasions...I let myself care .. a little bit more, after all , I'm a pretty generous person. So I'm over here because was wondering about what happened... Mostly because I can't believe I pretended to your face that I didn't know.,today I had the most amazing conversation with my wife !!! You see!, I didn't realize that in every conversation I would bring the past as the backround of every word- I could almost even predict what she would say.. This drained the life out of our relationship. It made me irritable that I was irritable in the first place and it made me irritable that it was her who made me irritable and that made me even more irritable and then having to pretend I wasn't irritable made me even more irritable. And then we are supposed love eachother from day to day. I love my wife because I saw a glimpse of what life could be like, talking to my wife for the first time all over again. I can wait for her to get off work. If you still think that what you see is right because whatever...think about how shallow all your relationships really are- not like wrong or bad, but cmon! When is the last time you called for no reason( or you had a reason not to) any of the billions of phone numbers you have in your phone? Notice how different things come up for you as you read each name.